so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
