i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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