Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You ruined the universe
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
