I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
