we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
