apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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