D3 body, D1 cock
your thong is hanging out like whoa
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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