I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he laminated a picture of his dick.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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