You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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