Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
