eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize