That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
