Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
