1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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