Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
