So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
