just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Still dying that you shit outside
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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