Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
