i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
