He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
