i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
