just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
