I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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