Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
