Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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