The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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