i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Life is so much better after having sex.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
