let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
