I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
