No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize