I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
