We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
