You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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