Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
