Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
