ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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