Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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