So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
