I cockslap morals
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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