dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
