Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
