I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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