Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Randomize
