They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize