my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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