Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
