So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We need a shit load of segways right now
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
