new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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