i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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