Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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