Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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