Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm jealous of your bromance
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
