he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
