i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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