I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
