I skipped work to stalk him.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize