after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
