i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
