We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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