We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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