i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
im holly from the hills drunk
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
