I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
