Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
