Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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