Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
