Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
