Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
soo... how was my night?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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