Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
